Regulation has become the phenomenon that I'm most interested in. I see it everywhere: the body's need to find balance, safety, and restoration. Every decision we make comes from an unconscious need to regulate. Every thought we have regulates or dysregulates our systems. As do our environments.
Addiction, over-eating, having an affair, violence - these behaviors are all from a need to regulate and feel safe. Just making love, eating good food, and helping someone is. They extend from the body's inherent wisdom of fight, flight, or freeze when it experiences or perceives threat.
When we grow up with trauma, we have limited resources of regulation. This could mean your parents were unable to help you feel safe. This is just one example. When we grow up with little resources of regulation, we develop coping skills & habits to help us regulate the best way we know how. For some, it's drugs. For others, it's food. Most commonly, it's other co-regulators. Our lover, friends, co-workers, and family members. We rely on other people to make us feel safe and regulated.
My goal for myself, and all people, is to develop self-regulation. This is the ability to feel safe within your own discomfort and communicate to your own mind and body to learn what it needs and to meet those needs yourself. It's an incredibly beautiful lifestyle because you simply do not depend on anything or anyone outside of you to make you feel whole. It frees you up to love others without conditions and it invites a radical honesty that is so freeing. Sure, people and good food are still desired and appreciated - but you don't need it. To learn self-regulation, you first need to identify how dysregulation feels in your body and what you do with it.
I'm wanting to impart the importance of this word "regulation" on you now so you can begin experiencing it in yourself. I want you to ask yourself a few questions:
1) How does it feel in my body when I'm regulated?
Where do I feel it?
2) How does it feel in my body when I'm dysregulated?
Where do I feel it?
Telling the two apart is vital. Once we learn to distinguish between the two, we become self-realized in that we begin to understand our behaviors, our needs, and our addictions. We can release shame, guilt, and judgment and just innocently notice: that's just my body regulating.
Regulation feels grounded, calm, and soft. Our breath goes deep, our shoulders relax, our necks soften. We are able to sleep and digest. Laugh off stressful situations and stay connected to ourselves and our own needs in the midst of other's.
Dysregulation feels tight & clenched. We may feel nausea, have a lump in our throat, or pressure and tightness in our chest. Learning how to tell the difference helps us understand where our bodies are, where our thoughts are, and what our needs are.
I'm going to be offering a FREE intro to somatic awareness. It will be a 30 minute webinar and you will all be invited! Once you can be lead into experiencing the difference between regulation and dysregulation you will begin the journey of understanding your entire life and learning how to navigate through it in a way that is conscious, compassionate, and satisfying.
Please forward this email to anyone interested. They should sign up for my mailing list to begin this journey. I will be announcing the date in the coming weeks.